Mabon has arrived today. I am both happy and melancholy. I'm not sure what this feeling means, exactly. I love Autumn more than any season, yet there is a plaintive sense of being. I can't explain it. It just is. And yet it's a feeling so beautiful, as if laughing with tears. As if harboring an exquisite grief. Ah, I struggle with words. I am rich in feeling, poor in description. That's what I love about music, especially classical. It can capture immense emotion with no words or pictures.

There are so many things I want to do, and yet haven't moved to do them. When I think that a whole month has passed since I wrote in here, I'm shocked. How in the world can a whole month have passed since the Warhol party? It does not seem possible. Perhaps I should do a small bit each day? Why can't I keep something going with consistency?

Scribble it

Haven't been here in so long, and I just want to catch up. I've been around deleting a lot of other places I visit, because I just can't keep up with them. It's a shame that one can't get all friends on one site. But, not going to happen. So I went around and decided where I like to be the most. And one of those is here. I just think this is a beautiful blog. Also, I am going to be posting over at Live Journal, where I've been for about 6 years. I really like it over there, as well. I'm determined to get myself moving and fill my life creatively. I'm a mess most of the time so hey, just be a mess. Nothing wrong with that. So I'm going to scribble a lot. I haven't worked on my Chelsea art in over two months. I've been doing other crap that hasn't really resulted in any one great thing. SEE? Defeatist. I think I'll cut and paste what I wrote about the Warhol party because I'm not going to write all of that again... I went to an Andy Warhol Factory party at the Brooks Museum this past Saturday (August 23) I was invited to go with Doug and Laurie Daniel. I have a membership to the museum and got an invitation but I would have had to upgrade to Fellow level to attend this hoity toity party, so I didn't think I would get to go until that darling Doug called! Soo....the Warhol Avant Garde Factory Party:

The party Saturday night was so amazing. Man, I had no idea it was going to be that great. I sure like going to rich peoples' parties. You walked up a black carpet and went in. At the entrance tables they gave you those glo-strips that you could wrap around your ankle or arm or neck, and some kind of psychedelic glasses that were prismatic, so when you put them on inside the party, all the lights had rainbow auras and star light. Amazing. There were open bars, and you can have all the drinks you want. And the great thing was, they had several tables and bartenders set up in all the party rooms, so that there wasn't a line. Some parties I've been to that had open bar, they'll have one table for drinks and you're lucky if you get one. Not at this party! Every room had one or two bars. And if there was a line, there would only be one or two people in front of you. The three martinis they had were called Ultra Violet martini, Chelsea Girls cocktail, and Kettle of Fish martini (which was day- glo green with a gummi fish at the bottom!) They were beautiful to look at. The Ultra Violet martini was my favorite ( I lost count how many I had) The Chelsea Girl cocktail was made with blackberry vodka (I think it was) and man, it was an ass kicker. The Kettle of Fish was sort of vanilla flavored. And they served those drinks in those beautiful martini glasses (not stupid plastic) with those glow sticks. They had plush white couches and huge white leather chairs and those square tables that were lighted. On the tables they had fiber optic center pieces. They had waiters going around with trays of hor'dourves that were amazing! One waiter was going around with jello shooters. The fruit ones were really good--the lime ones about kicked my butt. The lights were flashing and reflecting everywhere. It was so beautiful! They had a psychedelic dance floor and this big screen showing all those Warhol/Factory/60's images. They had an oxygen bar that was all lit with pink and blue lights and flavored oxygen. This one table was covered in candies from the 60's, and you just helped yourself. It was laid out with gigantic glass carafes full of gummie candies and dip stix and those big candy straws and wax candy and candy cigarettes and candy bracelets and necklaces. It was beautiful. I wish I'd gotten a picture of it up close. It looked so great!

That was the huge main room, then you went down the hall and there was a dining area with round tables and glo-center pieces. In a side room, there was a photographer taking pictures. They had costumes and accesories from the 60's if you wanted to use them, and then you'd get the picture "Warhol-ized" meaning they made them into weird colors. The room with the food...I've never seen food like that. It was all perfect, a buffet style laid out on huge round tables. It was a feast--everything from soba noodles to vegetable pot stickers and herbs to breaded quail to curry potatoes, roasted beef on arranged vegetables. And some of the food I don't know how to explain what it was, and don't know the name, all I know was it was heavenly! OH..and they had a huge carnival-type cotton candy machine. You went over and you could choose blue, purple or red and it was made right then and swirled on one of those paper cones!

Outside on the balcony was an inflated twister game, another dj, and lights and dancing and tables and lights and of course, another bar. There was also a balloon popping game, which was hilarious. But popping balloons freak me out so I really didn't stay there but a minute Another room was all aluminum foil and had a screen and WI set up to play. And when you wanted to , you could go downstairs to the Warhol exhibit. I didn't go down there cuz I've seen it already.

M and I are members of the museum and can go any time free, but for these parties, you have to be on the Fellow level, which is quite a bit. Doug and Laurie took us as their guests...what a lucky break! We got invitations to it, since we're members, but we're on the basic level, so we would have had to upgrade to a Fellow level, which we couldn't. So when Doug invited us, I couldn't believe it! I was so jazzed!!! And all the tables had different things arranged on them. Some of the tables had glow in the dark slinkys and yo yos! So I brought some of those home. I wish I'd taken my camera instead of just having my phone so I could have gotten some really amazing pictures, but I think my phone did okay.

And another thing. I am working on my website again. And I've decided that since I never like anything I do, then fine. Do it, but not like it. Who cares.

We all like to see where we're going. We would love to read all the cards and have the Ouija tell us which way to turn, who loves us. Will I get a spot on the merry-go-round? Perhaps. Ask again later. These halls have many shadows. Some people can't see in the dark or in the light. I try to see with eyes closed. Other times, I have on contacts and glasses and can't see a thing. Other times I can see everything at once, and want to cry out to the Corn Moon to turn it off.

Or perhaps Lady Luna will whisper an answer.
No?
Yes?
Goobye.

Complimentary...complementary.

Okay, not really complementary, but close. Not exactly yellow and purple, or orange and blue...but close. And tilted. A window. Steps going nowhere. Reflections. A big city out there. Completely quiet inside. Stoic. Solid. Unmoving.

But forgiving. At least I think so. A gentle heart

Some things are in the top 40 of commercialism, but truly don't mean to be there, or don't need to be there. They don't fit in. Not with the gray masses. They are unique. Yellow and blue, with reflections. And there's a white light way out there. And Exit...but there's no exit. It stops. Then what do you do when you find out you really don't know the lyrics? Can you make them up on the spot? Will she listen?

Will you compliment? Or complement? Or will you just mouth the words---the words that you don't understand?

What's in a Name...

That sign. I'll never forget walking into the red room and seeing that name, bigger than life, right outside a very-dirty window-- huge window, at that. And the man said "welcome home." I'm not sure I feel at home there, but I feel as if it's one of my comfortable havens. After he left I went over and slid that huge window open. I could have reached out and touched the sign. I could have touched the name. I should thank the Art commission. Or maybe tax payers?

But there it was. And while I was there, I couldn't exactly figure it all out--no better than I can at this moment.

I'm reading Virginia Wolfe's essay "A Room of One's Own." I wonder if I will make a connection? Are there really coincidences? Or is there no such thing? Are these affairs of daily life a paradox or a phenomenon? Are they whispers from angels or just hiccups from spirits? Do circumstances form in a moment? Or are they detailed plans of the gods, complete with cross-reference and footnotes?

I have no idea.

I do know that Heath Ledger was there at one time.
What a--coincidence?
Or, what difference does it make?

Amber.

Right now it's so hot outside. It's dark, at night, but it's still almost 90 degrees. I've never stayed at the Chelsea when it was really hot or really cold, so I wonder what these halls feel like in the extremes. I never noticed if the halls were cold or hot. They must be moderate temperature, because I'm sure I would have noticed. All I do know is that most of them have muted light. And now, in the days of eternal heat and light, I would love to spend these long hot afternoons in that secluded hall or in one of the darkened, cold rooms.

PS...

I was actually going to do Art a Day for a month. I started. Two days later? Nothing. So I kept it going for one day.

How depressing.